Why am I doing your job?

Ever find yourself doing tasks that you’re pretty sure are not in your job description?  Ever feel like you’re doing someone else’s job for him or her?  Is there some annoying boss, leader or colleague at your company who keeps trying to pawn off work on you?  Does it seem like some people are doing any work at all, because they’re too busy dumping?

Yeah,  it’s all part of the life experience that is your job.  While this type of thing shouldn’t be happening at all, it seems like it occurs at almost every office.  There’s always that one person who likes to dump work on others, and then take the credit for it.  Sometimes, they’re so sneaky about it, you don’t even know when it’s happening.  In situations such as this, refer to this handy guide to get you out of what could be a day devoted to doing some monster project for your team leader while he puts his feet up on his desk and watches videos on YouTube all day.

Are you really busy right now?

This question begins the downward spiral.  Your colleague from down the hall pops her head in and asks what you’re up to.  Never say, “Not much,” or “Nothing” or “I’m not too busy at the moment.”  NEVER.  You’re always busy and don’t think you’ll have a free moment all week.  Even when you’re really not.  The second you indicate that you have even a second ‘s break in your workday, the Pawner will latch on and suck out all of your free time.  You’ll notice that the instant you say “Naw, not too much is happening right now,” the Pawner’s eyes will light up with a sort of twisted glee.  Visions of going on Facebook and long lunches go through their heads, as they prepare to dump piles and piles of work on you…

Could you do me a favor?

A classic move.  The Pawner will seemingly innocently pop her head through your office door and say, “Boy, I’m so swamped today.  Could you help me with something?”  Don’t be a martyr and say, “Sure,” or “What is it?”  You simply can’t let yourself get sucked into this vortex of utter annoyance.  Your response should be, “Oh, I know!  Mr. Bossdude is really loading it on this week!  I’m totally busy too, with my own workload!  My apologies that I can’t help out.”  Even if the only thing you have to do until lunch time is send one e-mail and twiddle your thumbs, you’re busy, got it?  About 99 percent of the time, the Pawner is crying wolf, and actually isn’t maxed out with work…so you have no reason to feel lazy or bad.  Now, the Pawner might also throw in, “If you help me out with this, I’ll definitely have to repay you when you’re bogged down.”  Note:  This will never happen.  Every time you go to the Pawner with the favor, she will say, “Oh, I’m really busy and can’t help today – maybe tomorrow.”

But you’re so good at this!

This is another common excuse used by the Pawner.  When the Pawner strikes with this tactic, he will use some form of flattery, such as “You’re really good at PowerPoint,” or “You’re so much better at this than I am,” to butter you up.  You’re thinking, “Wow, I’m glad people notice what I’m doing around here to contribute.”  But the Pawner is thinking, “Yay, someone to do my work!”  So, your response to this tactic should be, “But I think you’re really talented with this, too,” or “Well, this experience will really help you to gain proficiency.”  And just keep insisting on those points.  Ha, stumps ’em.

I think that’s part of your job, right?

Sometimes, the Pawner likes to play dumb.  The Pawner knows that the huge budget spreadsheet is not part of your job, but pretends not to know that.  If you ever hear someone utter this phrase in regard to offloading work, know that you’re dealing with a Pawner.  When someone says this to you, you simply respond, “No it’s not in my job description.”  Or, “I’m pretty sure that’s part of what you do – maybe you should check with the manager to be sure.”  The second you involve a higher authority in your retort, the Pawner will retreat back to his office in defeat.

The bosses really like to see this sort of thing!

So sometimes, the Pawner mosey on over to your cubicle with grunt work artfully disguised as an “opportunity.”  Always be wary of this wolf in sheep’s clothing.  The Pawner will say, “I have a really high-visibility project for you.  This will really make you look good to the boss!”  So your first thought should be, “If this project is so great and will impress the boss so much, why aren’t you doing it?”  Good question.  Sometimes people are actually nice and give you opportunities, but not a Pawner-type.  If the Pawner drops on by and says this to you, just reply, “Oh, well, you really deserve this opportunity, you’re such an asset to the company.”  Ha, in your face, Pawner.

Ending note:  Be ever vigilant and work defensively – you never know when a Pawner attack will occur!

Corporate Phrase of the Week:

“I feel like I’m giving birth to a new team” – I heard this on some organizational announcement call.  The new manager was just announced as handling both marketing and communications people, thus forming a new team.  Okay, fine.  But then, the new manager said, “I feel like I’m giving birth to a new team.”  Uhhh gross.  That’s really not the kind of visual you want on a conference call – you know, your manager in labor and all.  Especially if it’s a guy… 😛

Is it 5:00 yet?

It’s 2:00 p.m. on a Tuesday – lunch is an hour behind you, and the end of the day is still 3 hours away.  You’ve just finished up all of your work, your boss is on vacation and your boss’ boss is at Some Company Conference.  Translation:  you’re bored, you’re out of work to do, and no one is around to give you more work to keep you entertained.  Of course, you can’t just leave – it would be awesome if you could, but that would come across as, well, lazy and unprofessional.  And you don’t want to give that impression.  So what do you do for the rest of the day?  How do you give off the illusion that you’re doing work to your colleagues in the surrounding cubicles, without actually doing any?

Here are a few pointers:  (*Disclaimer:  Note that this is only recommended if you have absolutely nothing to do, and have exhausted all other ways to possibly find more work for yourself.  In other words, I’m not condoning being a lazy bum.  Also note that I don’t personally do any of these things, but they’re funny in theory. :-P)

Go on some sort of social networking site:

So you probably have at least one social networking account, be it on Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, etc.  So if your company hasn’t blocked those pages, totally go on one of those sites.  Update your profile, change your picture, maybe play a little Scrabble on that Facebook app you downloaded.  You might be thinking, “What if Nosy Coworker walks by and sees what I’m doing?”  Never fear – you just tell them that you’re researching ways for your company to get involved in the Web 2.0 space.  What if you’re in the middle of playing a game, or taking a quiz on a Facebook or MySpace app?  Then you simply explain that you’re looking into creating a social marketing application for your company.  There’s no way to prove that you’re not doing that…it’s pure genius.

Go to the bathroom:

Okay, so you’re probably thinking that this doesn’t waste too much time.  There’s where you’re wrong – it has loads of time-killing potential.  So you saunter down the rows of offices to the bathroom, go in and just hang for a while.  Maybe pull out your phone and start texting some friends for happy hour plans.  Take out your iPod and listen to a few songs.  This can shave anywhere from 10-20 minutes off your work day.  You might wonder, “Will people get suspicious?”  Maybe if you do that all the time.  But if you take a Long Bathroom Visit about once or twice per week, no one will be the wiser.  And why?  Because no one ever wants to know about the business you were conducting in the bathroom.  Pun intended.

Make a trip to the vending machine:

This is one of the most classic ways to waste time.  Now when you do this, make sure you choose the vending machine that is furthest away from your office, preferably even in another building.  No one will catch on, because you merely state that the vending machine close to you never has the food/soda you like the best, and/or is broken.  So then you get to the vending machine, purposely not having brought enough change, or no bill lower than a $20.  So then you have to go to the change machine – which is near the cafeteria in that other building.  So you go there.  Then you finally get some sort of sustenance – whether or not you’re actually hungry.  This is guaranteed to take up about 15 minutes – not too little time, and not too much to make coworkers wonder.  And to waste even more time, and to be the most popular worker in your row of cubicles – ask everyone around you if they want you to get them a snack, too.

Get one of those tabletop games:

Go to any toy store, and you’re sure to find an assortment of mini tabletop games, including such classics as finger bowling, mini billiards, tiny golf sets, etc.  You should totally pick one of these up for the office.  When your coworkers think you’re wasting time by trying to get a 300 game in finger bowling, just explain to them that you’re merely relieving the stress caused by that 8:30 a.m. budget meeting.  They’ll understand.  Other related options include buying a Zen garden (you know, the little sandbox things with the bonsai trees and the little rake?) or a mini Etch-a-Sketch or something.

Count the tiles on your office ceiling:

This is a last resort, but it gets the job done.  Just lean way back in your chair, put your feet on your desk and look at the ceiling.  Again, when asked what you are doing, say that you are relieving stress.  Works every time.

So hopefully now, you’re a little less bored, and a little bit closer to the golden hour that is 5:00 p.m.  Glad I could be of service.  😛

Corporate Word of the Week:

Impactful (v.) – I recently heard this one on some long conference call with the obligatory 65 accompanying PowerPoint slides.  When I heard this, I totally didn’t think it was a word.  Thus, I went to Google to confirm.  And, as thought, impactful is not a word, but rather, a made-up word that people use in the corporate setting to sound more intelligent.  Gag.

ex. – Now, let’s discuss the key plays that are most impactful on the business’ bottom line.

Your company makes what?

So when I heard about an internship opening at IBM, I thought to myself, “But I don’t know anything about computers!”

Yeah, so come to find out, IBM hasn’t made computers for a few years now…they’re big in the database and tech services market (not that I know anything about those areas, either, but that’s beside the point).  And ‘big’ meaning one of the biggest companies in the market.

I know it’s not just me who had this thought – a lot of my friends and coworkers have this incorrect notion, as well.  In fact, just recently, I overheard someone in my office building call IBM “the greatest computer company in the world.”  So yeah, like I said, it’s not just me.

So why do people still think that IBM makes computers?  Well, the company used to…up until 2005.  That’s only three years ago, but then again, that’s three years of people thinking that IBM still makes computers.  I think a large part of it is that people don’t really know what the heck the company makes these days.  People remember the 1990’s commercials for the Aptiva and other such computers, and have thus continued to associate IBM with computers.

So how can a company get away from an incorrect association?  Well, I don’t remember seeing an IBM commercial since the 1990’s, for example.  Granted, you don’t usually see commercials for databases and tech services, and I’m obviously not the target audience for such commercials, but I’m assuming that tech people interested in their businesses’ IT infrastructures watch TV, too.  I’ve seen commercials for SAP tech solutions, so why not for IBM?  And it could be as simple as having a funny commercial or YouTube video that says “No, we don’t make computers.  But we do make IT solutions for your company.”  Or something to that effect, anyway.

Also, maybe IBM and other companies in the same predicament don’t realize that a lot of people don’t know what they make.  I mean, when you’re within the company, you obviously have somewhat of an idea of what your company makes.  Hopefully.  However, this can result in marketing internally, meaning that your advertising and marketing only reaches those within your company and your existing customers, rather than potential new customers.

Corporate Word of the Week:

operationalizing (v.) – A fancy-sounding word that essentially means something to the effect of ‘operating.’

ex. – We need to be better operationalizing this process in order to make customers aware of the product’s features.

True or False: Social Networking Is Only for Young People

Just a short time ago, Facebook was only open to college students.  YouTube was dominated by amateur videos shot by the adolescent set, oftentimes featuring lots of drunken antics and falling down.  MySpace had this sleazy, creepy vibe (wait, that’s still true…).  But now, these sites are broadening their horizons, embracing businesses, and those older than college-age.  However, all too many people are still convinced that these sites are for the younger crowd.

False!

This is Web 2.0 – this is the new face of technology (well, until some crazy Web 3.0 technology thing comes along).  This is where the people are – and, if you’re talking business, this is where your audience is.  Social networking sites are among the most highly-trafficked sites out there – and in fact, more than half of Facebook’s 80 million users are out of college.  So if you’re thinking that the social networking space is lost on Big Business, well, you’d be wrong.

For some reason, I’ve noticed that people from other generations are afraid to embrace this new web trend, and are afraid they can’t catch on.  Just so you know, there was a time when even Generation Y wasn’t habitually logging on to Facebook and YouTube – and that was only a few years ago.  I would never describe myself as a tech person (yes, I know I work at IBM), and even I’ve been able to catch on.  Seriously, just go with it.  You might even have some fun while you’re at it.

I guess the main issue with this is that older generations don’t know how to market with Web 2.0.  Well, honestly, it’s not too different from traditional marketing.  You can post news about events and incentives on Facebook, and create a group surrounding your company’s product.  You can post a new video on YouTube to get it more visibility.  And, as always, consumers still like incentives and value relationships.  Social networking just gives us a new space in which to do so. 

Corporate Word of the Week:

incent (v.) – A made-up sales/marketing buzzword erroneously used to act as the verb form of ‘incentive.’  Variations include ‘incented,’ ‘incenting,’ and ‘incentivize.’

ex. – We’ll incent the customers with a free pass to the conference.

Going Viral

Okay, so I’ll admit it:  up until the past year, I never really thought IBM did anything cool.  Big Blue always struck me as, well, Big Blah.

But lately I’ve seen IBM really getting out there and embracing Web 2.0.  One of my favorite things the company did would have to be putting some viral videos on YouTube.  Now, considering that the subject matter of the videos is databases and XML, the videos are actually pretty funny, and somewhat reminiscent of The Office.  If there was ever a way to make storing your data seem totally cool, well, this is it.

Check ’em out:

Part I, Part II, Part III

So I’ve been thinking:  how do you make something ‘go viral?’  How does your video go about becoming the next dramatic chipmunk or numa numa guy?  Honestly, in the case of YouTube and Corporate America, I think it’s equal parts effort and luck. 

Part of it is making sure that people know your video is out there:  cascade it to as many people as possible within the company through e-mails, websites and newsletters and send it to friends outside the company. 

Also, add as many relevant tags as possible and pray that people find it that way. 

Corporations with money to spend might also want to consider advertising on relevant websites and other media.

Also, this may seem obvious, but it’s a great idea to make your video relate to your audience.  For example, an IBM talking head video probably won’t get too many hits on YouTube.  However, making an IBM video that’s a spoof of a TV show (such as The Office) would do better since people would find it more interesting / relevant.

Other shows that would be cool to spoof for corporate videos: 

American Idol – have a panel of three judges comparing your product and your competitor’s a la this TV show

Project Runway – similar idea to the preceding one

Survivor – see which company’s product ‘survives’ and comes out on top

The Apprentice – your product gets ‘hired’ and the competitor’s gets ‘fired’

Corporate Word of the Week:

efforting (v.) – The verb form of the noun ‘effort.’  Often used to make one’s self sound more intelligent.

ex. – We’re efforting a solution using our company’s top products.

Why do so many corporate social networking attempts fail?

In today’s age of Web 2.0, it seems as if every business in existence has a Facebook Fan Page, a YouTube Channel, and a slew of devoted Twitterers.  So – if companies ranging from mom-and-pop stores right up to Big Business each have a social media presence – what makes a company stand out?  What makes people join and follow these networks?  What keeps users coming back?

Now, as someone who visits social media sites daily (okay, so daily is quite the understatement…it’s more like I go on Facebook every half hour without even being conscious of doing it), and as a user who is a product of the Web 2.0 era, I would like to offer some insight.  Why should you listen to me?  Because I represent today’s consumer and know what people in my age bracket like, because, as it so happens, I’m part of my age bracket.

Some musings:

It seems as if one of the biggest problems is generating an audience to join and use these sites.  For example, if a business has a Facebook page, the business cannot assume that people are out on Facebook just dying to be fans of the company/product so badly that they search for it and join and then invite 10,000 friends – same goes for any other social media endeavor.  Social media marketing and advertising works just like regular marketing and advertising.  GET THE WORD OUT.  Tell colleagues and customers.  Engage bloggers and Twitterers.  Advertise.  Put links anywhere and everywhere.  Publicize in every applicable newsletter and website, both internal and external.  Chances are you’re Facebook ‘friends’ with some of your colleagues (and maybe even customers) on Facebook.  Post a link in your status message so it shows up in the Facebook news feed and in the ‘recently updated status’ tab – trust me, people DO click on this stuff.

Look into advertising on Facebook.  Facebook now allows you to create a targeted ad that you can make specific to people’s genders, age groups, interests, marital status, etc.  If you’re trying to reach single tech guys, for example, you can target them.

Hype your company’s social networking groups when speaking with teen-to-college-age audiences.  I know that IBM, for example, is involved with the younger crowd – thus, when giving presentations, it’s a great idea to mention Facebook groups, YouTube channels, etc.  Having been in college but a year ago, I would have been interested if a business directed me to their social networking projects.  I’d think, “hey cool, maybe company X is relevant to me and my generation, and tuned to what I want as a future employee/consumer.”

Offer an incentive for people to join your company’s network / group – it doesn’t have to be big – encourage people to take a survey, and give them a $5 iTunes or Starbucks giftcard or something.  Have a small contest for the best photo or video, and give away an iPod.  People love free stuff, but make them do something in order to get it.  Another thing to keep in mind is that people will get turned off if you make them do too much to get the free thing.  So the key is to try and find somewhere in between giving people something for merely joining your group, and making them fill out 10 pages of questions.

Keep the community going!  Don’t just create a group and then stop there – make sure the network has dynamic content, and update the material often.  Keep discussions going, and engage the community as much as possible.

And now for some shameless self promotion:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/IBM-DB2/10442975871

http://www.facebook.com/pages/IBM-Informix-Dynamic-Server-IDS/23461144288

http://www.facebook.com/pages/IBM-InfoSphere-Warehouse/17628877758

http://www.youtube.com/user/IBMer5985