Why am I doing your job?

Ever find yourself doing tasks that you’re pretty sure are not in your job description?  Ever feel like you’re doing someone else’s job for him or her?  Is there some annoying boss, leader or colleague at your company who keeps trying to pawn off work on you?  Does it seem like some people are doing any work at all, because they’re too busy dumping?

Yeah,  it’s all part of the life experience that is your job.  While this type of thing shouldn’t be happening at all, it seems like it occurs at almost every office.  There’s always that one person who likes to dump work on others, and then take the credit for it.  Sometimes, they’re so sneaky about it, you don’t even know when it’s happening.  In situations such as this, refer to this handy guide to get you out of what could be a day devoted to doing some monster project for your team leader while he puts his feet up on his desk and watches videos on YouTube all day.

Are you really busy right now?

This question begins the downward spiral.  Your colleague from down the hall pops her head in and asks what you’re up to.  Never say, “Not much,” or “Nothing” or “I’m not too busy at the moment.”  NEVER.  You’re always busy and don’t think you’ll have a free moment all week.  Even when you’re really not.  The second you indicate that you have even a second ‘s break in your workday, the Pawner will latch on and suck out all of your free time.  You’ll notice that the instant you say “Naw, not too much is happening right now,” the Pawner’s eyes will light up with a sort of twisted glee.  Visions of going on Facebook and long lunches go through their heads, as they prepare to dump piles and piles of work on you…

Could you do me a favor?

A classic move.  The Pawner will seemingly innocently pop her head through your office door and say, “Boy, I’m so swamped today.  Could you help me with something?”  Don’t be a martyr and say, “Sure,” or “What is it?”  You simply can’t let yourself get sucked into this vortex of utter annoyance.  Your response should be, “Oh, I know!  Mr. Bossdude is really loading it on this week!  I’m totally busy too, with my own workload!  My apologies that I can’t help out.”  Even if the only thing you have to do until lunch time is send one e-mail and twiddle your thumbs, you’re busy, got it?  About 99 percent of the time, the Pawner is crying wolf, and actually isn’t maxed out with work…so you have no reason to feel lazy or bad.  Now, the Pawner might also throw in, “If you help me out with this, I’ll definitely have to repay you when you’re bogged down.”  Note:  This will never happen.  Every time you go to the Pawner with the favor, she will say, “Oh, I’m really busy and can’t help today – maybe tomorrow.”

But you’re so good at this!

This is another common excuse used by the Pawner.  When the Pawner strikes with this tactic, he will use some form of flattery, such as “You’re really good at PowerPoint,” or “You’re so much better at this than I am,” to butter you up.  You’re thinking, “Wow, I’m glad people notice what I’m doing around here to contribute.”  But the Pawner is thinking, “Yay, someone to do my work!”  So, your response to this tactic should be, “But I think you’re really talented with this, too,” or “Well, this experience will really help you to gain proficiency.”  And just keep insisting on those points.  Ha, stumps ’em.

I think that’s part of your job, right?

Sometimes, the Pawner likes to play dumb.  The Pawner knows that the huge budget spreadsheet is not part of your job, but pretends not to know that.  If you ever hear someone utter this phrase in regard to offloading work, know that you’re dealing with a Pawner.  When someone says this to you, you simply respond, “No it’s not in my job description.”  Or, “I’m pretty sure that’s part of what you do – maybe you should check with the manager to be sure.”  The second you involve a higher authority in your retort, the Pawner will retreat back to his office in defeat.

The bosses really like to see this sort of thing!

So sometimes, the Pawner mosey on over to your cubicle with grunt work artfully disguised as an “opportunity.”  Always be wary of this wolf in sheep’s clothing.  The Pawner will say, “I have a really high-visibility project for you.  This will really make you look good to the boss!”  So your first thought should be, “If this project is so great and will impress the boss so much, why aren’t you doing it?”  Good question.  Sometimes people are actually nice and give you opportunities, but not a Pawner-type.  If the Pawner drops on by and says this to you, just reply, “Oh, well, you really deserve this opportunity, you’re such an asset to the company.”  Ha, in your face, Pawner.

Ending note:  Be ever vigilant and work defensively – you never know when a Pawner attack will occur!

Corporate Phrase of the Week:

“I feel like I’m giving birth to a new team” – I heard this on some organizational announcement call.  The new manager was just announced as handling both marketing and communications people, thus forming a new team.  Okay, fine.  But then, the new manager said, “I feel like I’m giving birth to a new team.”  Uhhh gross.  That’s really not the kind of visual you want on a conference call – you know, your manager in labor and all.  Especially if it’s a guy… 😛

Is it 5:00 yet?

It’s 2:00 p.m. on a Tuesday – lunch is an hour behind you, and the end of the day is still 3 hours away.  You’ve just finished up all of your work, your boss is on vacation and your boss’ boss is at Some Company Conference.  Translation:  you’re bored, you’re out of work to do, and no one is around to give you more work to keep you entertained.  Of course, you can’t just leave – it would be awesome if you could, but that would come across as, well, lazy and unprofessional.  And you don’t want to give that impression.  So what do you do for the rest of the day?  How do you give off the illusion that you’re doing work to your colleagues in the surrounding cubicles, without actually doing any?

Here are a few pointers:  (*Disclaimer:  Note that this is only recommended if you have absolutely nothing to do, and have exhausted all other ways to possibly find more work for yourself.  In other words, I’m not condoning being a lazy bum.  Also note that I don’t personally do any of these things, but they’re funny in theory. :-P)

Go on some sort of social networking site:

So you probably have at least one social networking account, be it on Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, etc.  So if your company hasn’t blocked those pages, totally go on one of those sites.  Update your profile, change your picture, maybe play a little Scrabble on that Facebook app you downloaded.  You might be thinking, “What if Nosy Coworker walks by and sees what I’m doing?”  Never fear – you just tell them that you’re researching ways for your company to get involved in the Web 2.0 space.  What if you’re in the middle of playing a game, or taking a quiz on a Facebook or MySpace app?  Then you simply explain that you’re looking into creating a social marketing application for your company.  There’s no way to prove that you’re not doing that…it’s pure genius.

Go to the bathroom:

Okay, so you’re probably thinking that this doesn’t waste too much time.  There’s where you’re wrong – it has loads of time-killing potential.  So you saunter down the rows of offices to the bathroom, go in and just hang for a while.  Maybe pull out your phone and start texting some friends for happy hour plans.  Take out your iPod and listen to a few songs.  This can shave anywhere from 10-20 minutes off your work day.  You might wonder, “Will people get suspicious?”  Maybe if you do that all the time.  But if you take a Long Bathroom Visit about once or twice per week, no one will be the wiser.  And why?  Because no one ever wants to know about the business you were conducting in the bathroom.  Pun intended.

Make a trip to the vending machine:

This is one of the most classic ways to waste time.  Now when you do this, make sure you choose the vending machine that is furthest away from your office, preferably even in another building.  No one will catch on, because you merely state that the vending machine close to you never has the food/soda you like the best, and/or is broken.  So then you get to the vending machine, purposely not having brought enough change, or no bill lower than a $20.  So then you have to go to the change machine – which is near the cafeteria in that other building.  So you go there.  Then you finally get some sort of sustenance – whether or not you’re actually hungry.  This is guaranteed to take up about 15 minutes – not too little time, and not too much to make coworkers wonder.  And to waste even more time, and to be the most popular worker in your row of cubicles – ask everyone around you if they want you to get them a snack, too.

Get one of those tabletop games:

Go to any toy store, and you’re sure to find an assortment of mini tabletop games, including such classics as finger bowling, mini billiards, tiny golf sets, etc.  You should totally pick one of these up for the office.  When your coworkers think you’re wasting time by trying to get a 300 game in finger bowling, just explain to them that you’re merely relieving the stress caused by that 8:30 a.m. budget meeting.  They’ll understand.  Other related options include buying a Zen garden (you know, the little sandbox things with the bonsai trees and the little rake?) or a mini Etch-a-Sketch or something.

Count the tiles on your office ceiling:

This is a last resort, but it gets the job done.  Just lean way back in your chair, put your feet on your desk and look at the ceiling.  Again, when asked what you are doing, say that you are relieving stress.  Works every time.

So hopefully now, you’re a little less bored, and a little bit closer to the golden hour that is 5:00 p.m.  Glad I could be of service.  😛

Corporate Word of the Week:

Impactful (v.) – I recently heard this one on some long conference call with the obligatory 65 accompanying PowerPoint slides.  When I heard this, I totally didn’t think it was a word.  Thus, I went to Google to confirm.  And, as thought, impactful is not a word, but rather, a made-up word that people use in the corporate setting to sound more intelligent.  Gag.

ex. – Now, let’s discuss the key plays that are most impactful on the business’ bottom line.

What NOT to Put in Your Facebook Profile…

Like millions and millions of people around the world, you probably have at least one profile on a social networking site, such as Facebook, MySpace or LinkedIn.  Or, if you don’t have a profile on one of these sites, you certainly must be familiar with the buzz surrounding Web 2.0 and new media and all that fun stuff.

However, nowadays, our personal spaces on social networking sites are being invaded by work.  For example, you’re probably friends with a lot of your coworkers, or even bosses (I’m friends with three levels of bosses and former bosses on Facebook and LinkedIn…seriously).  You might even be in a few groups that are related to your company or its products.  Let’s face it:  the line between work and personal life is becoming almost nonexistent when it comes to social networking.

That being said…be sure not to make any of these mistakes in your profile.  If you do…then wow.

Rule #1:  Don’t Put Shady Things in Your Interests / Activities:

Can’t tell you how many times I’ve come across violations of this rule while religiously checking out my “friends’ ” profiles (I use quotes because we all know that approximately 75% of our so-called friends on Facebook and MySpace are casual acquaintances or people we haven’t even met).  There are always a few people who aren’t the brightest bulbs – or who think they’re really cool – and put really loser-esque things in their interests and activities.  Look at your list of friends – I’ll bet you that at least a dozen of them have “sex” in their activities or interests.  To paraphrase Rose on the Golden Girls “It was always my understanding that people who talk about it all the time don’t do it very often.”  And do you really want your boss reading that you’re a nympho?  Or that weird guy who sits in the cubicle next to you who sent you that friend request last week?  Ewww.  I 100% guarantee that no one wants to know if you’re doing that.  I also 100% guarantee that you won’t be doing that more often if you put it in your Facebook / MySpace interests.  And, I also 100% guarantee that it’s pretty much a given that you would enjoy such an activity.  Duh.  And if you put it in your profile just to be funny, news flash – it’s not.

There are probably still others on your list of friends who have “smoking boles,” “toking,” “getting high” or some other pot-related phrase in their interests.  This is also not recommended for coming across as a professional to your employer…for obvious reasons.  If you do that, that’s great for you.  I don’t think the rest of Facebook really cares.  Unless you’re looking for smoking buddies or a supplier or something?  I don’t know.  This is also probably not funny to your boss, who might be checking out your profile.  Putting this in your interests might cause colleagues to raise their eyebrows every time your eyes are bloodshot, and when you go out to your car during breaktime…

And finally, this one is probably in about 75% of college students’ / recent graduates’ profiles:  getting drunk.  Yes, I went to college and I’m well aware of what happens when class is over…or even while it’s in session.  I know it’s fun to go out and have drinks, and to party on weekends.  But if you’re an intern and are under 21, I’d leave it out of the profile.  Please note that the presence of this in your profile does NOT make you cool.  The ladies aren’t going to see this in there and throw themselves all over you.  Nope.  Anyway, since you’re in college, it’s pretty much implied that you could be drinking.  Do you really need to proclaim it to the world? 

By the way, I’d also recommend not joining fan pages / groups for these interests.  I noticed the sex fan page, for example.  Ummm yeahhh, I pretty much think that everybody on Facebook is an implied fan.

Rule #2:  Don’t Put Shady Pix Online

Seems obvious enough, and goes hand-in-hand with rule #1.  Too many people break this one, too.  I can’t tell you how many times I go online, and see that someone has posted some drinking album called “GeTTinG HaMMerED” or something to that effect (note the annoying use of alternating capital with lowercase letters that is likely in the name of the album).  These albums usually contain picture after picture of a bunch of co-eds hanging out at some generic, run-of-the-mill bar, which is probably sticky and smells like a mix of alcohol, too much cologne and sweat.  Okay, whatever, we all go out and hit up the bar once in a while.  But herein lies the issue:  when people have pix of them in bar doing such unprofessional things as licking people / objects, making lewd hand gestures, touching some guy’s butt or lifting up one’s shirt.  Yeahhhh.  I never really understood why people think that posting pictures of themselves looking like losers is cool.

Rule #3:  Don’t Put Stupid Things in Your Status

So it’s a really gorgeous Friday – the sun is shining, the birds are chirping and God knows you don’t want to wake up and go to work.  So, you call in “sick,” and play the big kid version of hooky.  Okay, we all need a personal day once in a while, as to avoid going insane because of too much work.  Understood.  However, the dumb part of this comes when people put this in their status messages, or post this on friends’ walls.  It’s probably not a good idea to feature “skipping out of work for the day” as your status message, especially when you’re friends with people from your office, and/or boss.  It is also not good to post on a friend’s wall that “we should grab drinks because I’m cutting work today.”  Also, bear in mind that you should not post any pictures from your “sick day” excursion.  Just a thought.

You might be thinking, “It’s my personal life, I can do what I want, work shouldn’t be checking up on me.”  And I’d agree with you – this is probably true.  But since employers have been known to check your social networking profile, I’d be smart about this, folks.  Also take note that the opposite principle holds true:  you don’t have to overly kiss corporate butt and put “workin’ for the man,” “going to the office” and “working on weekends” in your interests.  😛

Corporate Word of the Week:

“The messaging ball is bouncing” – Overheard on one of the many conference calls that take up approximately 30% of my work week.  This is a perfect example of a work metaphor going too far…and becoming convoluted in meaning.  Corporate messaging is not a ball.  And where exactly is it bouncing to?  You know when you’re doing karaoke, and the little ball bounces over the words?  Is that like this fabled messaging ball?  Or is the messaging ball more like playing hot potato, and you keep throwing it someone else so you don’t have to work on it?  Hmm…

There’s a social network for THAT?!

In this era of social networks, headed by sites such as Facebook and MySpace, it seems as if there’s a network for, well, everything.  I’ve seen ads for social communities surrounding everything from horses to weddings to wine and beyond.  But this seems like a good way to get your company involved with Web 2.0, right?  Umm, maybe not. 

To me, this raises some questions: 

Do some things really need social networks?  The answer to this is a resounding “no.”  For example, the leader of the social marketing team I’m on mentioned this community for cat litter.  Now seriously, why does cat litter need a social community?!  I definitely don’t think it does.  I mean, is this cat litter that great that people are dying to join the community and participate in discussions about this and watch kitty-litter-related videos?  I think you can answer that.  I would suggest making this group more general – people would definitely join a social community about cats…and maybe the cat litter company could sponsor the site and offer coupons or something.  Think about whether or not your company’s product would benefit from having a social network surrounding it:  Would this draw new customers?  Would this reinforce positive feelings in current consumers?  Would this just be a huge waste of time and money?

Should you just use an existing site such as Facebook or MySpace?  In most cases, I would say “yes, it would make sense to just create a group or a page off of Facebook or MySpace.”  For example, maybe the kitty litter people could’ve just created a Facebook group for free rather than wasting money on creating a page for their own network.  Millions of people are already members of Facebook and MySpace, and might be interested in becoming fans of your product, so this is always a good resource to tap.  The Facebook-MySpace realm is also a good place to test out whether or not it would make sense to create a separate social network site for your company or its product – if you get a ton of people to join your group, then maybe it would make sense to have your own site specifically devoted to this.

Is this market overly saturated?  It sure seems that way.  I think this cat litter site marks the exact point where social networks outside of the mainstream jumped the shark, so to speak.  There’s another reason right there to shy away from making your own social network – with way too much out there, it makes your social network more difficult to search for and find.

Corporate Word of the Week:

Viralize (v.) – A verb meaning “to make viral.”  Note that this is not an actual word and makes it seem like you’re trying too hard to sound smart.

ex. – Let’s use YouTube to try and viralize the new corporate video.

True or False: Social Networking Is Only for Young People

Just a short time ago, Facebook was only open to college students.  YouTube was dominated by amateur videos shot by the adolescent set, oftentimes featuring lots of drunken antics and falling down.  MySpace had this sleazy, creepy vibe (wait, that’s still true…).  But now, these sites are broadening their horizons, embracing businesses, and those older than college-age.  However, all too many people are still convinced that these sites are for the younger crowd.

False!

This is Web 2.0 – this is the new face of technology (well, until some crazy Web 3.0 technology thing comes along).  This is where the people are – and, if you’re talking business, this is where your audience is.  Social networking sites are among the most highly-trafficked sites out there – and in fact, more than half of Facebook’s 80 million users are out of college.  So if you’re thinking that the social networking space is lost on Big Business, well, you’d be wrong.

For some reason, I’ve noticed that people from other generations are afraid to embrace this new web trend, and are afraid they can’t catch on.  Just so you know, there was a time when even Generation Y wasn’t habitually logging on to Facebook and YouTube – and that was only a few years ago.  I would never describe myself as a tech person (yes, I know I work at IBM), and even I’ve been able to catch on.  Seriously, just go with it.  You might even have some fun while you’re at it.

I guess the main issue with this is that older generations don’t know how to market with Web 2.0.  Well, honestly, it’s not too different from traditional marketing.  You can post news about events and incentives on Facebook, and create a group surrounding your company’s product.  You can post a new video on YouTube to get it more visibility.  And, as always, consumers still like incentives and value relationships.  Social networking just gives us a new space in which to do so. 

Corporate Word of the Week:

incent (v.) – A made-up sales/marketing buzzword erroneously used to act as the verb form of ‘incentive.’  Variations include ‘incented,’ ‘incenting,’ and ‘incentivize.’

ex. – We’ll incent the customers with a free pass to the conference.

Why do so many corporate social networking attempts fail?

In today’s age of Web 2.0, it seems as if every business in existence has a Facebook Fan Page, a YouTube Channel, and a slew of devoted Twitterers.  So – if companies ranging from mom-and-pop stores right up to Big Business each have a social media presence – what makes a company stand out?  What makes people join and follow these networks?  What keeps users coming back?

Now, as someone who visits social media sites daily (okay, so daily is quite the understatement…it’s more like I go on Facebook every half hour without even being conscious of doing it), and as a user who is a product of the Web 2.0 era, I would like to offer some insight.  Why should you listen to me?  Because I represent today’s consumer and know what people in my age bracket like, because, as it so happens, I’m part of my age bracket.

Some musings:

It seems as if one of the biggest problems is generating an audience to join and use these sites.  For example, if a business has a Facebook page, the business cannot assume that people are out on Facebook just dying to be fans of the company/product so badly that they search for it and join and then invite 10,000 friends – same goes for any other social media endeavor.  Social media marketing and advertising works just like regular marketing and advertising.  GET THE WORD OUT.  Tell colleagues and customers.  Engage bloggers and Twitterers.  Advertise.  Put links anywhere and everywhere.  Publicize in every applicable newsletter and website, both internal and external.  Chances are you’re Facebook ‘friends’ with some of your colleagues (and maybe even customers) on Facebook.  Post a link in your status message so it shows up in the Facebook news feed and in the ‘recently updated status’ tab – trust me, people DO click on this stuff.

Look into advertising on Facebook.  Facebook now allows you to create a targeted ad that you can make specific to people’s genders, age groups, interests, marital status, etc.  If you’re trying to reach single tech guys, for example, you can target them.

Hype your company’s social networking groups when speaking with teen-to-college-age audiences.  I know that IBM, for example, is involved with the younger crowd – thus, when giving presentations, it’s a great idea to mention Facebook groups, YouTube channels, etc.  Having been in college but a year ago, I would have been interested if a business directed me to their social networking projects.  I’d think, “hey cool, maybe company X is relevant to me and my generation, and tuned to what I want as a future employee/consumer.”

Offer an incentive for people to join your company’s network / group – it doesn’t have to be big – encourage people to take a survey, and give them a $5 iTunes or Starbucks giftcard or something.  Have a small contest for the best photo or video, and give away an iPod.  People love free stuff, but make them do something in order to get it.  Another thing to keep in mind is that people will get turned off if you make them do too much to get the free thing.  So the key is to try and find somewhere in between giving people something for merely joining your group, and making them fill out 10 pages of questions.

Keep the community going!  Don’t just create a group and then stop there – make sure the network has dynamic content, and update the material often.  Keep discussions going, and engage the community as much as possible.

And now for some shameless self promotion:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/IBM-DB2/10442975871

http://www.facebook.com/pages/IBM-Informix-Dynamic-Server-IDS/23461144288

http://www.facebook.com/pages/IBM-InfoSphere-Warehouse/17628877758

http://www.youtube.com/user/IBMer5985