How to Make Your Own “Corporate Words”

Thanks to my fiance for this idea! 😉

Sometimes (okay, most of the time), when we’re at the office, it’s like we have to speak a different language as to efficiently communicate with bosses and colleagues.  If you’ve ever worked in an office or cubicle in the corporate environment, you know what I’m talking about, and are probably nodding your head and chuckling right about now.  It’s almost like, the second you put on your button down shirt and khakis in the morning, or the instant you slip on those pointy-toed high heels that make that satisfying, important-sounding click-click sound as you walk, you find yourself in an entirely different frame of mind.

At home, or with your friends, you might say, “That sounds great,” or, “What are we doing for lunch?”  But at work, the translation of these common phrases would be, “Why, that appears to be optimal,” or, “What is the official game plan for the designated lunch hour?”

However, sometimes, it seems as if work people get tired of using “dynamic,” “optimal,” “strategy,” “innovative,” “key plays” and “core efficiencies” ad nauseum in every meeting and conference call.  So people start getting creative.  That’s when you start to hear the ever-so-nonexistent words that I feature in my “Corporate Word of the Week” spot.  So how do work people go about making strange-sounding words to make themselves sound smart, and like they know what they’re talking about?  Well, I’m here to let you in on some secrets that will help you spew corporate jargon like no other, and that will make you the star at your next meeting.

Tip #1:

Turn existing nouns into nonexistent verbs.  Ever wonder where words like “incentivize” and “operationalizing” come from?  Do you want to sound really corporate on that next phone call with the boss’ boss?  Well, look no further; these words were spawned by a professional using Corporate Word Generator Tip #1. 

Let’s practice Tip #1 by trying this exercise together.

Step 1:  Write down a few nouns that you use in your everyday work life.  They can be programs you use, things on the corporate website, or nouns you hear on conference calls.  For example, you might write down “PowerPoint,” “reorganization,” “spreadsheet” and “coffee.” 

Step 2:  Take these words, and transform them into verbs.  This can be done by simply adding the suffix “-ing” to the end of these nouns.  Now that these words have been corporatized (See?  I just made up a word!), you have “PowerPointing,” “reorganizationing” (optionally, “reorganizationalizing”), “spreadsheeting” and “coffeeing.”

Step 3:  Practice using these words in sentences, so that you will be familiar with them, and ready to use them by the time your next meeting rolls around.   

PowerPointing – I’m busy PowerPointing the presentation for the budget meeting later this afternoon.

Reorganizationing – Since Ms. Bosslady is reorganizationing the team, I’ll be in a new job role next month. 

**Note that you could just say “reorganizing,” but that wouldn’t sound too corporate, now would it?

Spreadsheeting – Using Microsoft Excel, I’m spreadsheeting all of the press opportunities we have to offer our customers.

Coffeeing – If we arrive at the office at 8:30, that will allow for some coffeeing before the big meeting at 9.

Tip #2:

Turn existing nouns and verbs into nonexistent adjectives.  This is how common office words such as “organizationable” and “performant” are born.  Once you’ve mastered Tip #1, you’re ready to take this next challenge.

Let’s practice Corporate Word Generator Tip #2 together.

Step 1:  Think of a few nouns and verbs that you commonly use and overhear at the office.  Some words you use might include, but are not limited to, “brainstorm,” execution,” “synergy” and “innovation.”

Step 2:  Take this list of nouns and verbs, and turn them into adjectives by adding “-ant,”  “-able,” or “-izable.”  Brainstorm becomes “brainstormant.”  Execution becomes “executionable.”  Synergy becomes “synergizable.”  Innovation becomes “innovationalizable.” 

**Note that even if the noun or verb you’re converting already has an adjective version of itself that is, in fact, an acceptable word, you may not use the actual word.  To sound smart and businesslike at meetings, you must use the made-up, corporatized version of that word.

Step 3:  Now you’re ready to use your newly made, corporatized words!  Let’s practice putting them into sentences before your next meeting.

Brainstormant – The meeting proved very brainstormant, since we came up with a lot of new marketing ideas.

Executionable – Mr. Bossdude likes when we come up with highly executionable key plays to sell our products.

Synergizable – If we all put our heads and collective strategies together, we’ll have a corporately synergizable team on our hands. 

Innovationalizable – This new technology is very innovationalizable, and allows for our customers to use it in new and different ways to grow business.

Bearing in mind these two simple tips, you’ll now be able to spew corporate B.S. with the utmost of ease!  In order to get to the highly advanced point of making up these words off the top of your head, I recommend practicing with the Corporate Word Generator Tips at least once or twice per week.

Corporate Word of the Week:

Umm, pretty much all of the ones I just made up in this post.  😛