Is it 5:00 yet?

It’s 2:00 p.m. on a Tuesday – lunch is an hour behind you, and the end of the day is still 3 hours away.  You’ve just finished up all of your work, your boss is on vacation and your boss’ boss is at Some Company Conference.  Translation:  you’re bored, you’re out of work to do, and no one is around to give you more work to keep you entertained.  Of course, you can’t just leave – it would be awesome if you could, but that would come across as, well, lazy and unprofessional.  And you don’t want to give that impression.  So what do you do for the rest of the day?  How do you give off the illusion that you’re doing work to your colleagues in the surrounding cubicles, without actually doing any?

Here are a few pointers:  (*Disclaimer:  Note that this is only recommended if you have absolutely nothing to do, and have exhausted all other ways to possibly find more work for yourself.  In other words, I’m not condoning being a lazy bum.  Also note that I don’t personally do any of these things, but they’re funny in theory. :-P)

Go on some sort of social networking site:

So you probably have at least one social networking account, be it on Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, etc.  So if your company hasn’t blocked those pages, totally go on one of those sites.  Update your profile, change your picture, maybe play a little Scrabble on that Facebook app you downloaded.  You might be thinking, “What if Nosy Coworker walks by and sees what I’m doing?”  Never fear – you just tell them that you’re researching ways for your company to get involved in the Web 2.0 space.  What if you’re in the middle of playing a game, or taking a quiz on a Facebook or MySpace app?  Then you simply explain that you’re looking into creating a social marketing application for your company.  There’s no way to prove that you’re not doing that…it’s pure genius.

Go to the bathroom:

Okay, so you’re probably thinking that this doesn’t waste too much time.  There’s where you’re wrong – it has loads of time-killing potential.  So you saunter down the rows of offices to the bathroom, go in and just hang for a while.  Maybe pull out your phone and start texting some friends for happy hour plans.  Take out your iPod and listen to a few songs.  This can shave anywhere from 10-20 minutes off your work day.  You might wonder, “Will people get suspicious?”  Maybe if you do that all the time.  But if you take a Long Bathroom Visit about once or twice per week, no one will be the wiser.  And why?  Because no one ever wants to know about the business you were conducting in the bathroom.  Pun intended.

Make a trip to the vending machine:

This is one of the most classic ways to waste time.  Now when you do this, make sure you choose the vending machine that is furthest away from your office, preferably even in another building.  No one will catch on, because you merely state that the vending machine close to you never has the food/soda you like the best, and/or is broken.  So then you get to the vending machine, purposely not having brought enough change, or no bill lower than a $20.  So then you have to go to the change machine – which is near the cafeteria in that other building.  So you go there.  Then you finally get some sort of sustenance – whether or not you’re actually hungry.  This is guaranteed to take up about 15 minutes – not too little time, and not too much to make coworkers wonder.  And to waste even more time, and to be the most popular worker in your row of cubicles – ask everyone around you if they want you to get them a snack, too.

Get one of those tabletop games:

Go to any toy store, and you’re sure to find an assortment of mini tabletop games, including such classics as finger bowling, mini billiards, tiny golf sets, etc.  You should totally pick one of these up for the office.  When your coworkers think you’re wasting time by trying to get a 300 game in finger bowling, just explain to them that you’re merely relieving the stress caused by that 8:30 a.m. budget meeting.  They’ll understand.  Other related options include buying a Zen garden (you know, the little sandbox things with the bonsai trees and the little rake?) or a mini Etch-a-Sketch or something.

Count the tiles on your office ceiling:

This is a last resort, but it gets the job done.  Just lean way back in your chair, put your feet on your desk and look at the ceiling.  Again, when asked what you are doing, say that you are relieving stress.  Works every time.

So hopefully now, you’re a little less bored, and a little bit closer to the golden hour that is 5:00 p.m.  Glad I could be of service.  😛

Corporate Word of the Week:

Impactful (v.) – I recently heard this one on some long conference call with the obligatory 65 accompanying PowerPoint slides.  When I heard this, I totally didn’t think it was a word.  Thus, I went to Google to confirm.  And, as thought, impactful is not a word, but rather, a made-up word that people use in the corporate setting to sound more intelligent.  Gag.

ex. – Now, let’s discuss the key plays that are most impactful on the business’ bottom line.

Iiiiit’s Friday!

So as I’m sitting here in my windowless, climate-controlled office, finishing up my work for the week, and longing to be outside enjoying the beauty of a mid-August day…

I think a nice Friday blog post is in order.

Soooo just for fun…

Ever notice how corporate presentations, press releases, and charts seem to contain endless amounts of fluff?  Has it gotten to the point where every single thing your company releases sounds exactly the same?  Then go to this site and check out the corporate BS generator and get a good laugh!

And along these same lines – if your daily work calendar is dominated by a bunch of conference calls and meetings in which people use a lot of the same corporate words that have long lost all of their meaning, then check out Buzzword Bingo, and play while listening to your next conference call, or when sitting in a meeting pretending to take notes.

Does anyone remember Mad Libs?  If you’re not familiar with them, check Wikipedia for the definition.  I know that personally, I remember many an elementary and middle school weekend spent having sleepovers and giggling while doing Mad Libs and playing Truth or Dare.  Well, as proof of how much work has consumed my life, my fiance and I thought it would be fun to go out and buy a Mad Libs booklet, then fill in all of the blanks with work-related words.  It proved to be pretty hilarious, especially with glasses of wine involved.

Happy Friday!

True or False: Social Networking Is Only for Young People

Just a short time ago, Facebook was only open to college students.  YouTube was dominated by amateur videos shot by the adolescent set, oftentimes featuring lots of drunken antics and falling down.  MySpace had this sleazy, creepy vibe (wait, that’s still true…).  But now, these sites are broadening their horizons, embracing businesses, and those older than college-age.  However, all too many people are still convinced that these sites are for the younger crowd.

False!

This is Web 2.0 – this is the new face of technology (well, until some crazy Web 3.0 technology thing comes along).  This is where the people are – and, if you’re talking business, this is where your audience is.  Social networking sites are among the most highly-trafficked sites out there – and in fact, more than half of Facebook’s 80 million users are out of college.  So if you’re thinking that the social networking space is lost on Big Business, well, you’d be wrong.

For some reason, I’ve noticed that people from other generations are afraid to embrace this new web trend, and are afraid they can’t catch on.  Just so you know, there was a time when even Generation Y wasn’t habitually logging on to Facebook and YouTube – and that was only a few years ago.  I would never describe myself as a tech person (yes, I know I work at IBM), and even I’ve been able to catch on.  Seriously, just go with it.  You might even have some fun while you’re at it.

I guess the main issue with this is that older generations don’t know how to market with Web 2.0.  Well, honestly, it’s not too different from traditional marketing.  You can post news about events and incentives on Facebook, and create a group surrounding your company’s product.  You can post a new video on YouTube to get it more visibility.  And, as always, consumers still like incentives and value relationships.  Social networking just gives us a new space in which to do so. 

Corporate Word of the Week:

incent (v.) – A made-up sales/marketing buzzword erroneously used to act as the verb form of ‘incentive.’  Variations include ‘incented,’ ‘incenting,’ and ‘incentivize.’

ex. – We’ll incent the customers with a free pass to the conference.

Going Viral

Okay, so I’ll admit it:  up until the past year, I never really thought IBM did anything cool.  Big Blue always struck me as, well, Big Blah.

But lately I’ve seen IBM really getting out there and embracing Web 2.0.  One of my favorite things the company did would have to be putting some viral videos on YouTube.  Now, considering that the subject matter of the videos is databases and XML, the videos are actually pretty funny, and somewhat reminiscent of The Office.  If there was ever a way to make storing your data seem totally cool, well, this is it.

Check ’em out:

Part I, Part II, Part III

So I’ve been thinking:  how do you make something ‘go viral?’  How does your video go about becoming the next dramatic chipmunk or numa numa guy?  Honestly, in the case of YouTube and Corporate America, I think it’s equal parts effort and luck. 

Part of it is making sure that people know your video is out there:  cascade it to as many people as possible within the company through e-mails, websites and newsletters and send it to friends outside the company. 

Also, add as many relevant tags as possible and pray that people find it that way. 

Corporations with money to spend might also want to consider advertising on relevant websites and other media.

Also, this may seem obvious, but it’s a great idea to make your video relate to your audience.  For example, an IBM talking head video probably won’t get too many hits on YouTube.  However, making an IBM video that’s a spoof of a TV show (such as The Office) would do better since people would find it more interesting / relevant.

Other shows that would be cool to spoof for corporate videos: 

American Idol – have a panel of three judges comparing your product and your competitor’s a la this TV show

Project Runway – similar idea to the preceding one

Survivor – see which company’s product ‘survives’ and comes out on top

The Apprentice – your product gets ‘hired’ and the competitor’s gets ‘fired’

Corporate Word of the Week:

efforting (v.) – The verb form of the noun ‘effort.’  Often used to make one’s self sound more intelligent.

ex. – We’re efforting a solution using our company’s top products.

Why do so many corporate social networking attempts fail?

In today’s age of Web 2.0, it seems as if every business in existence has a Facebook Fan Page, a YouTube Channel, and a slew of devoted Twitterers.  So – if companies ranging from mom-and-pop stores right up to Big Business each have a social media presence – what makes a company stand out?  What makes people join and follow these networks?  What keeps users coming back?

Now, as someone who visits social media sites daily (okay, so daily is quite the understatement…it’s more like I go on Facebook every half hour without even being conscious of doing it), and as a user who is a product of the Web 2.0 era, I would like to offer some insight.  Why should you listen to me?  Because I represent today’s consumer and know what people in my age bracket like, because, as it so happens, I’m part of my age bracket.

Some musings:

It seems as if one of the biggest problems is generating an audience to join and use these sites.  For example, if a business has a Facebook page, the business cannot assume that people are out on Facebook just dying to be fans of the company/product so badly that they search for it and join and then invite 10,000 friends – same goes for any other social media endeavor.  Social media marketing and advertising works just like regular marketing and advertising.  GET THE WORD OUT.  Tell colleagues and customers.  Engage bloggers and Twitterers.  Advertise.  Put links anywhere and everywhere.  Publicize in every applicable newsletter and website, both internal and external.  Chances are you’re Facebook ‘friends’ with some of your colleagues (and maybe even customers) on Facebook.  Post a link in your status message so it shows up in the Facebook news feed and in the ‘recently updated status’ tab – trust me, people DO click on this stuff.

Look into advertising on Facebook.  Facebook now allows you to create a targeted ad that you can make specific to people’s genders, age groups, interests, marital status, etc.  If you’re trying to reach single tech guys, for example, you can target them.

Hype your company’s social networking groups when speaking with teen-to-college-age audiences.  I know that IBM, for example, is involved with the younger crowd – thus, when giving presentations, it’s a great idea to mention Facebook groups, YouTube channels, etc.  Having been in college but a year ago, I would have been interested if a business directed me to their social networking projects.  I’d think, “hey cool, maybe company X is relevant to me and my generation, and tuned to what I want as a future employee/consumer.”

Offer an incentive for people to join your company’s network / group – it doesn’t have to be big – encourage people to take a survey, and give them a $5 iTunes or Starbucks giftcard or something.  Have a small contest for the best photo or video, and give away an iPod.  People love free stuff, but make them do something in order to get it.  Another thing to keep in mind is that people will get turned off if you make them do too much to get the free thing.  So the key is to try and find somewhere in between giving people something for merely joining your group, and making them fill out 10 pages of questions.

Keep the community going!  Don’t just create a group and then stop there – make sure the network has dynamic content, and update the material often.  Keep discussions going, and engage the community as much as possible.

And now for some shameless self promotion:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/IBM-DB2/10442975871

http://www.facebook.com/pages/IBM-Informix-Dynamic-Server-IDS/23461144288

http://www.facebook.com/pages/IBM-InfoSphere-Warehouse/17628877758

http://www.youtube.com/user/IBMer5985